Well thank you!
D.Everyone has a few demons, what’s your worst one?
Um I guess, I don’t know..at work Shannon keeps saying I over talk, overstep people and make excuses…I don’t feel like I’m making excuses but I do need to defend myself, I have so many things to do, that no one else seems to do even if I do ask but I have no hours to do them in so unless I cut my sales, which could get me fired, I can’t do everything exactly when I said I’d do it. I’m sorry. I do try though. I try to get everything done the best I can. I do my best to stay on top of things and I guess that me being so driven to stay on top of everything causes me to micro manage, or over step as it were…Like shit. And when I get stressed I do get really bitchy. Because I’m stressed out and I have certain things that help me de-stress…if I don’t get that yeah I am gonna be a bit of a bitch. …Maybe it’s my tone of voice. Maybe it’s the fact I’ve always felt like the only way I can not be left out or forgotten or …anything is by controlling the situation and being the leader. But I can’t just sit there and watch someone fail, It’s not in my nature to walk away.
I also think a demon is mine is my insecurity about my body and face and general self worth. I do listen to the negatives more than the positives. It’s why I ask for compliments and stuff more often than not. It’s why I always ask I look good. It’s why I’m always counting calories and why I try to exercise, Why I don’t do drugs and regularly try to take two baths a day. It’s why I like when people talk to me, and don’t want anyone to see me as some terrible person, or a bitch, or think I’m trying to disrespect them as I just want everyone to like me and think I’m neat. I just refuse to kiss ass, lie and let people push me over just for it.
K. Would you ever kill someone? What would be a good reason?
No. There is no good reason to justify killing. There are much worse ways to hurt someone than to just kill them.
R. Religion, what is yours? Do you believe in a god?
I’m a Christian. A Lutheran. I do believe in God, though I think he’s really sassy with a terrible sense of humor….well he might think it’s great, but I don’t since I seem to be at the butt of the joke.
V. Do you ever want children?
Of course. Can’t afford to take care of one at the moment though.
X. Do you do drugs? Drink? Smoke?
No to drugs, or smoking. I mean if someone had special brownies I can’t say I wouldn’t partake but I don’t do it normally no. My grandmother smokes cigarettes and the smell causes me to have to chest pains from anxiety now. I do drink though. Sometimes I do drink to get drunk. Other times I’m good with one drink and I’m fine. It’s also very rare when I buy alcohol anyway. I don’t drink everyday. I don’t plan to.
G. Do you believe in Ghosts?
Weird things have happened in my life to make me believe there is something…but I kind of believe what we thing are ghosts are just like an electrical imprint on a high magnetic field…but still a ghost, I guess.
I. If you liked someone with a terminal illness, would you still date them knowing they might not live much longer?
Of course. Why would that even factor in? I’m not Bryce Dallas Howard in 50/50.
Q. Do you prefer peace and quiet, or loud chaos?
I think both have their places and both sooth my soul when I need it. Like I needed that loud rock concert yesterday to show me that I need to go with what my gut tells me, and do what makes me happy. When the loud gets to be too much, I like my peace and quiet and hiding out. It just it has it’s place and time and I can’t have too much of either or I start to get non productive and unhappy.
W. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Right now, um, Atlanta…but I think my dream place would be a townhouse in london. Or maybe Baltimore. Really I’ve just come to realize I want to be where the people who support me and show me love are. My friends. And they are mostly in Atlanta right now to be honest and that’s where I want to go. To my family. To where my heart is. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m by myself. BUT I do want a nice little one bedroom apartment or flat for cheap in Roswell because I have an obsession with wanting to say “I live in a city called Roswell. Like the crash site. Aliens!” and have it furnished all nice and finally go to an Ikea. And a Whole Foods, even though I’ll still probably shop at Kroger, because Kroger is the shit and gives you rewards for gas. Which I will get for my new Nissan Versa Note in Peacock Blue. which I can totally afford payments on once I have $2000.00 saved up for it because I don’t believe anyone will take anything for my car right now….Yeah. I’m a bit weird. I don’t care.
E. Have you ever cheated on somebody?
I do not believe so, no. But someone else does. Or did. Something. I’m still mad about that.
While I’m pretty loose on what counts as cheating, and how to handle the situation if and when it happens. (Like I believe being upfront and honest should not be treated with anger and violence. Or immediately walking away from it. But it means you need to have a serious talk and figure your shit out. Generally like over a nice take home meal.With paper view, and wine and booze. that the cheater paid for. Good stuff. Because there should at least be some kind of payback before you decide to call it quits anyway.)
I don’t believe that it’s okay. It’s not something I would do to someone I loved.
Because I’m just a one man kind of girl. It’s just who I am.
I get jealous, even though I refuse to act on that jealousy and anger and hurt.
I think we all do when we care, and I would never want to cause anyone pain.
“This is the chemical formula for love:
dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin.
It can be easily manufactured in a lab, but overdosing on any of them can cause schizophrenia, extreme paranoia, and insanity.
Let that sink in.”
thats so fucked
13. How do you feel right now?
Sickly but that’s because of woman problems. Otherwise I feel like I can see light at the end of a tunnel and it may be another train about to bulldoze into me but I couldn’t be anymore thankful just because I’ve been in the dark for so long.
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill.
1. Move to a place I want to make my home.
2. Find a job, that can support me completely and make sure I’m financially independent.
3. Be Happy. Which is those two above things and have having a great set of friends that I can call my family. And just being supported and doing whatever makes me happy.
57. favorite animals?
Well I’m crashing on Sarah’s couch til I find a job and a place, so if you are serious about moving we can work something out. But you know the drill, faraday is always involved once I get my own place. I think I’m gonna let him stay with my parents because he doesn’t like other animals and Sarah has cats that don’t like new cats.EDIT: this was supposed to be private. But it’s not like it’s all that interesting.
Oh hey, Jared Leto, funny meeting you at Maxwell House’s roastery at 11:30 on a Sunday. #wewerentreallystalking #iswear (at Maxwell House)
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
I’m gonna change that to 2014.
and that’s only 4 weeks away.
I sure hope so, but I doubt it but I hope by the end of 2014 things are gonna be a bit better, maybe not easier, just hopefully in a good, different place.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
I think I’m social. I just tend to hide in an antisocial ball at times when I get really stressed. I tend to shut down. But I need social interaction. I need to talk to people and go out and have fun or have someone come over and watch Netflix and I might not be so talkative all the time but I like having people, good people, around.
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
Well right now it’s 1:30am, I have work in the morning. I promised myself I’d sleep for 5.5 hours and wake up at 3:30am and finish my super cleaning and I have work early in the morning and then RENA and her friend BETH are coming so we can go to the big ticket and see 30 Seconds to Mars on Sunday and I promised Rena we’d go out to eat, mostly in hopes I can crash with them at their hotel so we can all drive to the ticket together since it starts early on Sunday and I don’t want to be in this crazy house. We shall see though. Since I haven’t asked and I don’t know Beth and don’t want to be an awkward turtle and such. But we’re gonna have fun I just wish I could SLEEP. And could get paid to stay away from work because I greatly dislike it.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
Um probably 2004, since I can’t really remember it anyway. Thank you surgeries and drugs we found out after I had to have my stomach pumped and put into an induced coma to find out I was allergic to…to then take advantage of my allergy and try to take my own life because I got tired of my dad’s shit……and then put into another induced three day coma……Yeah….
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Oh all the time. I also try to figure out what is gonna happen next and what I’ll say during my next confrontation and such. I feel like it helps me with my anxiety and freezing up and crying when I have visualize what is gonna happen and knowing when I can keep my front up and when not.
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
I don’t tend to prefer someone’s company by their gender. As long as you aren’t getting butt hurt when I turn down your sexual advances, I’m good. There are a lot of people, some called “Nice Guys” who think that being friendly means they get to touch me inappropriately and that’s not true or cool and getting mad because I say so just proves to me that you aren’t an adult, not mature enough to be a romantic partner or cool enough to be my friend. Just saying.
68.Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
If so I was either really drunk or really young and I can’t remember.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
See by like, actually seeing the person, or dating?
I’m excited to see RENA, I’d like to see Alex and Sean and Corey and everyone tomorrow even though I won’t be able to, I wish I could have driven to Orlando to celebrate Robin’s birthday with her. I want to see my friends when I move to ATL, and like do some mini adventure on New Years to celebrate it….and one other person. BUT I’m not focusing on like dating, mostly because after that slew of OKCupid dates that ended with that guy trashing my store….I can’t deal with that.